Perfect Tunes by Emily Gould

Author:Emily Gould
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
Published: 2020-04-13T23:00:00+00:00

8

The initial moment of leaving Marie to go to Philly to play a show went much worse than Laura had imagined. She should have left Marie overnight much earlier in their life together, before Marie had the ability to describe her feelings with words. That would have been so much easier for both of them, or at least for Laura. But there had never been a reason to leave her until now, and so they were both unrehearsed for the moment of their separation.

She had wangled an invitation for Marie to spend the weekend with Kayla, her best friend from day care, whose dad, Matt, was one of the more relaxed-seeming fellow parents. He had sleepy eyes and a potbelly, and had done a credible job of not seeming scandalized by Laura’s age when he’d first met her. No one in her bougie neighborhood believed that an English-speaking white woman under thirty could be a toddler’s mother, not her babysitter.

All week long, whenever she’d been able to work the upcoming trip into conversation, Laura had told Marie about how much fun she was going to have at Kayla’s house and what a big-girl treat it would be to sleep in an unfamiliar bed and to eat breakfast from unfamiliar dishes, to the point where she worried that no possible slumber party could ever live up to how wildly exotic she’d made it seem. Marie had, after much deliberation, picked out a select, top-flight crew of toys to bring with her, and Laura had watched with heart-mangling pride as she explained to these toys, using some of the same enticing vocabulary Laura had used with Marie, how much they were going to enjoy their adventure. The whole time, Laura thought about how, if this went well or even okay, they were going to do it again, and again. She both did and didn’t want it to go well. She had no idea what she wanted.

On the morning of the show, Laura managed not to cry in front of Marie as she dropped her off with Matt and Kayla. She hugged her tightly once but didn’t linger. She could hear Marie crying the entire time she was racing for the door, taking the stairs so quickly she worried about tripping over her own feet and falling. It seemed to take forever to get out of their building. When she got out to the sidewalk she allowed herself one gasping full-body sob and then a fast-paced block of silent tears. She texted Matt, asking him to tell her when Marie chilled out, and hoped that he wasn’t lying when he texted back to say that the girls were already busy investigating the little suitcase full of toys Marie had brought. By the time she met up with Callie a half an hour later in Manhattan, Laura was feeling almost normal.

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